N.A.Q.s: never asked questions

Here at Swyzzle, we’re prepared for pretty much every support situation you can throw at us, and thus we present our newest help document, the Never Asked Questions. 

Q: While on Swyzzle the other day, my computer started making curious hissing and clattering noises. What’s up with that?

A: There’s probably a raccoon in your central processing unit, which would explain the noises. Look around you: chances are you’re computing from a forest. Open up the CPU, remove the raccoon and replace the cover. Swyzzle is only recommended for use indoors or from selected coffee shops and parks, not in hostile wilderness areas.

Q: What is the meaning of life?

A: 42.
Illustration by Don Hertzfeldt

Q:What is the must-have accessory for Swyzzling this season?

A: According to top fashion pundits, plaid underdrawers and matching wool socks are the bleeding edge of fashion for the world’s most admired internet trendsetters. Bonus points for a silly hat. Fur is right out.

Q: Would Swyzzle be a boxers or briefs kind of website?

A: Neither. Tutus all the way.

Q:I need ideas for a Swyzzle show that’s never been done before–help!

A: In order to achieve the inspiration needed to create the ultimate Swyzzle show, follow these instructions carefully: First climb to the top of the tallest mountain on the small island nation of wannahauckalugie. Meditate for three days and nights on the meaning of a multimedia show, and with any luck the benevolent spirit of the LOLcat will visit you. Ask the spirit what you should title your show, but don’t be surprised when you’re answered in cuteness and riddles. Write down your observations and make a tea out of the notes. Drink the tea and swirl the notepad pieces around in the bottom of the cup while thinking of your goal. Decipher the encoded message that results and you should have your answer.

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